How could I have known?

"I’ve never known the struggle of living with a mental illness. And until somewhat recently, I never knew that people close to me were struggling themselves. The first person didn’t tell me about their depression until a year or two after they got better. When they did tell me about it, they described their lack of motivation, the suicidal thoughts, how close they came to doing it, and how they managed to finally tell somebody and go to therapy and get help. I was relieved to know that they’re no longer in that dark place. But I was heartbroken. Because the entire time they were going through this, I was seeing them every day and I didn’t know. They were struggling and looking for help and I could have been there for them, but I wasn’t. I didn’t understand. How could this person that I love so much be hurting, and I didn’t know? It almost felt like it was my fault. I know now that it wasn’t. But it still stings when I think back to those times. So after they told me, I decided to look closer. To pay attention to my friends and family, to make sure that people who were silently calling out for help would get my answer.

But I still wasn’t prepared for the second person. Granted, they’ve had to hide their struggles for a long time before I even knew them. When I finally figured it out, I wasn’t shocked like the first time. I was just sad. Sad, because again I could have been there for this person and I wasn’t. But from that moment on, I made sure that I was. They still struggle every day, but they also know that no matter what, I’m here for them. I never let them know that I’m tired or busy or that it’s a bad time. I feel like that makes up for all the previous times that I wasn’t able to be there for them. I just let them know that I care, and that I want them here. They shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for something they can’t necessarily control. Nobody should. That’s why I’m so passionate about erasing the stigmas around mental health. Without them, I could have known sooner. Without them, these people I love wouldn’t have to be alone."

Hearts of AM ~ #9