What is a friend?

Most of my life regarding interpersonal relationships has been filled with constant regret and disappointment, as if some of these experiences are persuading me to think of an “invisible barrier” that surrounds me. Oftentimes, I feel guilty from my lack of ability to communicate my feelings, express emotions, and connect with my acquaintance’s interests, which culminated in the form of misunderstandings and the lack of connection at the personal level. There are questions that I cannot answer till this date: “What exactly is a friend? Does one’s ability to communicate one’s feelings, beliefs, and aspirations determine the limits of how much the person is being perceived as an empathetic person?” It almost seems as if I am contemplating on an issue that I personally don’t have control over.

Perhaps, over-exaggerating my beliefs and emotional expressions during conversations can help convey surface-level interactions that is easier for people to understand my motives or feelings. But, this kind of interaction will result in a dead-end, as disregarding my “true self” will not lead to any mutual respect nor understanding. I define self-awareness as the capacity to differentiate between the external expectations and views people have on ourselves and the internal self-respect and self-confidence for interpreting the world from a set of unique lenses. I think that close friendships originate from each individual having high self-awareness, as building relationships are formed around mutual respect, trust, and to a certain degree, conformity. These relationships should not form around manipulating one’s true beliefs or feelings, as it will only lead to a downward spiral of self-deception and distrust.

Then comes the question: “What about some individuals with (neuro)developmental disorders or difficulties with socio-communication interactions?” A good example of this would be someone with ASD (regardless to high/low intellectual functioning), in which they would have to accommodate to their society by conveying themselves in an artificial manner, in order to be considered as a functional individual. This is especially true in post-secondary education and competitive workplaces that demands high interpersonal skills, as autistic individuals may struggle with building long-lasting relationships that will open doors to future opportunities. But then, constructing a superficial identity will go lead to the issues previously stated, resulting in a catch-22. From my experiences spending time with individuals who had ASD, ADHD, or speech difficulties, I realized that they were suffering from a similar “invisible barrier” that isolated these people from the world around them. An invisible barrier acts like an obstacle that rarely gets looked upon, which even self-awareness might mean accepting these drawbacks and coming up with solutions to survive in the society, to be accepted as a functioning individual and not being labeled as a “defective.”

Then, I return to the original question: “What is a friend?”