"Sinister" Intentions

"Sinister is what you called it,

The idea that I had severely damaged a person in my past, Yet you had only knew me as a smiling coworker, As a friendly face to all customers and our coworkers, “The boss” who would not rest, But it was all sinister because now,

Now with this knowledge,

Now knowing how I once hurt someone,

Now when you saw me,

I appeared like a monster,

And worse yet,

I appeared like a monster wearing a mask,

You saw me in a mental pit once,

My bleeding face,

The honesty in my emotions,

You truly empathized with me then,

But with you new perspective,

Came a shift in your empathy to a feeling of caution,

I was no longer a friend,

No longer a “good person,”

No longer a trustworthy human being,

I was a criminal wasn’t I?

A manipulator or deceiver to all those around me,

I was a threat to people,

But none of that was true,

None of it was ever true,

I understand why you erased your trust in me,

But to think I was never genuinely friendly,

Or genuinely positive,

That spits the face of my recovery…

And out of all people,

Why did you see my mental health as a caution sign to others?

I was only a threat to myself,

I was only a harm to my body,

I was only a monster in the mirror,

I was never holding sinister intentions,

I genuinely loved my friends and my work,

People are complex,

You I Friends Strangers All human beings

We cannot be summed up in a single sentence,

Nor a single essay,

Not even a single library,

I am complex,

One right doesn’t make me a saint,

Just like one wrong doesn’t make me the devil,

I am a human like everybody else."

Hearts of AM ~ #19

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