Infinite Loop

"I was 16.

As I fought to stand up from my verbally bullied experience in high school, some very harsh words during a friendship breakup turned three years of my struggle into ashes. From then on, it felt like an invisible “playback machine” turned on and followed me everywhere, recording all the slightest mistakes I have made and playing them back on an infinite loop.

'Not worthy to be loved.'

'Burden for everyone around me.'

'A horrible person in general.'

These words cycled in my head almost non-stop. Sometimes I would start panicking in the middle of a conservation, a band performance, or even on a regular assignment. It felt like I was ruining people's trust, doing nothing other than just wasting their time and attention.

It wasn't until almost two years of struggling that I started opening up to the people around me, and none of them had any idea. To them, I was this carefree and smiling girl who would come to class with full energy and happiness -I was not, and still am not. Luckily enough though, they never lost faith in me, and nor did I in them.

Maybe one day I will be able to breathe again."

Hearts of AM ~ #22

To participate, navigate to: tinyurl.com/HeartsofAM-17